I am working hard to try to shift the immense sorrow, the weight of sadness, which I have felt for the past few days as my over active imagination has threatened to engulf me.
So, carols play softly in the background as I trim and dress the kitchen, make pomanders to add to my collection - amazing how some made years ago still smell so sweet - and try to get into the right frame of mind.
Life goes on.
I must dig deep and get in touch with lighter feelings, it is too easy for me to sink to the bottom. So, forgive me this trite nonsense.
It is therapeutic, my therapy.
I enjoy Christmas. I love the carols, the candle-lit services, the excitement of watching the children in their Nativity play and I also love the satisfaction of baking and cooking a feast to stave off the chill of winter and to celebrate. I love the smells of spices and baking, the warmth and the joy...cheesy, but true.
Back to the kitchen... I usually cater for large numbers... for the carnivores, vegetarians, pescetarians, and the vegans among us. I try to make sure that everyone will eat festive food. I am not a good cook, I couldn't do it all on my own, I rely on my kitchen assistant of many years ... my little golden putto.
This little putto has watched over my festive culinary adventures for many years.
The golden putto is aided and assisted by a whole host of kitchen angels, bought one at a time over the years. I now have quite a collection of them, they all work hard to help me.
Some are now beginning to look a little worse for wear, with fallen halos and dishevelled hair and I could swear that some of the expressions are mischievous, rather than angelic...
Luckily, this year I don't have to feed an army on Christmas Day...
Instead, after a morning of fun and merry-making with the grandchildren and family, George and I will take old Toby for a good walk, call in to see Arnold and take him some Christmas treats before coming home to relax and eat a quiet and festive buffet, the kind which we normally enjoy on Boxing Day.
No cooking required...surely a little miracle!